Don't Be a Lemon

So life is squeezing the lemon out of me……………………..

And as I have said before sitting and thinking how bad it can be is the most difficult part. While seeing yourself being squeezed hard isn’t that bad………. You know why? Because there is nothing left to imagine. What is real bad, real evil and real dark time is right under your nose and you think “I saw it coming, I imagined it……. So fuck off!!!!!!”

There is a difference between the time when you try to get everyone to believe you, trust you, support you and the time when you know no one gives a shit so you don’t care who’s there or not there for you.

There is a difference between the attitude of trying to do something which is appreciated by others and the attitude to do something which genuinely excites you.

There is a difference between trying to look for ideals in others to follow and trying to bring out the best of the ideal you.

And these are a few of the things that I realized when I had already been a big, dried out, stale, been kicked at lemon to life and world and everything else. Winning a fight can surely upgrade your personality traits, but losing it can do unimaginable things to your psychology! There are probabilities of what can happen and at what time, depending on the lemon we are talking about. If you fall down a pit the person at sea level wouldn’t be in as much a hurry to fly up to sky as much as you want to leap out. In the series of hits and misses and consequent lethargy and agony some lemons take it as a given and live, get married, have babies in the pit and create an illusion of happily ever after by cursing everything that’s above them. And there are some who would just hit it hard and keep doing it until they leap out and in there aggression fly to far off places………………………….then eventually when they had their fill and realize this isn’t where home is, they return back and have their genuine happily ever after.

So before us, there have been people who lived life and have returned to pits and they know where the true happiness lies and they go on telling novices how they should do the best by not trying at all to get out. But if you listen to others for ideas, for solutions, for pity you are just being a LEMON. Why? Because you wouldn’t know the value of what things are until you really do it. People travel the world to get experience. Some would say what use it was? But the more you explore the more you take risks more profound will be your understanding of life and your own feelings. And more your understanding, richer is your life and more efficient is your work. You will be wiser when you return to nest.

 We might fail when we take risks, we feel bad but we don’t realize we have become more equipped for the next trial. We become vulnerable when we ogle at and envy the so-called strawberries and pine apples and that degrades our lemon status all the more. We can be happy, u see, we have chocolates, music, internet and stuff (evil grin) and we can be a lemon too alongside………… but to be satisfied inside our juicy core we have to try……… try to be what we want , to do what we want irrespective of what the banana said or the grocery store said. It’s a time to make mistakes instead of following the safe plan. Don’t hesitate to do something that you disliked yesterday but like now. Whatever you are there is something that is outstanding. There will be infinite things in the path to stop you, failure being one of them, but to ‘live’ instead of ‘existing’ you have to learn to take it no matter how bad it is. And as I have said facing problems isn’t as bad as sitting in the tent and thinking how horrible problems are!

Go out and try and don’t be afraid and don’t look around. People might think you are a lemon but don’t you think you are one. Because our thoughts affect our aura, our aura affects the surroundings, our surroundings affect the universe, the universe affects our destiny and we will eventually be the pine apple…………………..( there is a phase lag between the first event and the last event, phase angle directly proportional to amplitude of efforts)………………..

P.S: lemons who are feeling good about the blog should know that it’s written by a lemon and readers who don’t are in serious need of medical supervision

P.P.S: if you think are not a lemon and you have read this blog till end then think again

 

Well let me start like this..........everyone has bad days but the days don’t seem so bad when u kind of know it’s bad. People rather laugh it off in such cases. The realization is pathetic but the aftermath is exhilarating...somewhat like gaining independence.

I wake up, roam around aimlessly in my dingy, untidy, stinky but loveable room until I realized it’s getting late for college. Take a careless bath, put on a crumbled shirt which is apparently a bit small for a 32b frame. Hurriedly leave home before mother can dart harsh comments at the worn-down looks of her daughter. Now the adventures of the unfortunate day treader begin. Now if you are a Delhi girl and by all means from a middle class conservative background then walking past a fleet of cops who are staring at you and you are pretty sure of that, can be like a humiliation. I really regretted wearing that shirt at that time as I could’ve gone by unnoticed otherwise. Mid way I get a call from a friend who needs something I borrowed from her which implies I have to go back the same way, face the embarrassment again to get her work done. I walked back with more confidence trying to avoid faces only to be stared at harder than the first time. That done, carrying my hurt self confidence I climb the stairs of metro station with a wave of people coming against my flow. And lo….. my shirt buttons pop out. Holy shit!!! Did anyone see?????…. To hell with them I had my inners no worry, stay calm, put the buttons back normally like u don’t mind keeping them open anyway. Sshheewww…..it’s okay… nothing happened…. It was nothing…..and then.. “ paacccch”. There is something warm and wet over my head all of a sudden. Curse you pigeon!!!! That rascal was here to take a crap on my and only my head with perfect aim. Shit! Do I have a napkin even? I clean myself up with a noticeable pout on my face which definitely wasn’t looking good. I dint have the courage to enter the general compartment which is usually crowded by people not of my specie, lest my shirt pops open again. Surprisingly today a girl stares at me and I don’t know if that was meant in a loveable way( l-factor included) or for criticism for wearing a thing that is literally tearing apart from, you know what!  By that time I had totally accepted that I was officially having a bad day. It took me minutes to structure everything and think again. And yes! It was a big bad humiliating day! Guys would call a fight with girlfriend/best friend/parents, bad marks, no internet (deprived of the things that it provides for leisure and pleasure, if you know what I mean) a bad day! But for girls or most of the girls loss of self esteem is to be the end of the world. Girls will reconsider every wrongdoer but not the one who had hurt their self esteem. Although nothing turbulent and boisterous had happened up till then but my fragile self confidence had leaked out from some pore in an unidentified location of my heart. I got out of station to reach college contemplating how writable the day was in my diary; then again I don’t know what probability the overhead tank of the nearby shop had, to leak right when I was passing below it. And I was there half drenched in water trying to figure out how a pigeon could pee that much but to my happiness it was plain water, clear water. And suddenly while walking ahead not caring about the people who watched, I had an unexpected big smile on face.   I knew it was a bad day, so who cares! This will be a different day! I will learn to laugh at myself; probably the day wouldn’t be that bad and would turn out to be the best. A lot of bad things happened that day. No, not bad like having bad grades while friend topped, extra angry mom (well this is a given, in my life) or any guy problem (like I ever even had one dumb dog). But I don’t thing I ever learned anything new from the above mentioned things as much as I learned today. No it wasn’t the best day…….. I bunked classes, hopped around college administrative office only to find the person I need isn’t there and searched all college to look for a perfect solitary place to have lunch alone only to find I dint have a spoon so walked back all the way to the other corner to get a plastic spoon. But I worked alone and now I know I actually got things done. I worked alone, travelled alone while people studied in class. I dint criticize things but tried to understand why things were like this. I thought about life and tried to understand what I need in life. Why was I thinking all that? Because today I realized my life isn’t perfect and so tomorrow I will try to improve it. I dint really win a medal of honor or anything but sometimes small things have a greater significance in life! Today I learned to accept things as they were, a thing which I had failed to do in past; as I was incessantly comparing myself with the world. It wasn’t spontaneous but the feeling gradually set in as the day closed. I still don’t know why I am thinking like this just because of irrelevant things happening coincidentally on the same day. But there are times when you feel you really should be thinking like this all your life; this is the attitude you need. Today is that time; the perfect blend of determination and sensibility and satisfaction. Its true time will change and suddenly I will again become one of the dogs working madly, making a place in this world but writing the feeling down might help me to get inspired someday again in future when I have an official retreat of “THE RUSH OF BAD LUCK”.

Somewhere From Nothingness

life goes on and on and we go in a direction we never thought of............. it isn't like we never dreamed about certain ways of life but finally we end up being so damn complacent with what we get that we forget who we actually are . here are a few line that came out of my heart while i was enjoying my own nothingness. 

Its harsh, 

Cruel indeed,

To stare with pleading eyes 

At the smoky sky.

The deep mist pushes the soul

To think over and over again 

With profound engagement 

To Nothingness.

The soul,

Its blank

Resonating the rhythm of the sky

Promising a jubilant tempest

But bleak and dull and vacant as of now

The seed of desire lies within;

But life hindered by the dark play of nothingness.

Its queer

and depressing

To see the world look up to a barren field

In hope of a valiant riot of fruits

why does the rain not come down?

and the lightning shatter the silence?

Let the seed sprout to winged desire

Let the life rise indampened by any hindrance

lets not think of an extravagant riots, folks!

Lets rejoice the life traversing 

Somewhere from nothingness!