Thinking, Believing and Feeling

Close your eyes and think, ask your heart……… when it’s you, only you what’s the verse you chant…………”I think”, “I believe”, “I feel”……………………..

When you are alone and the world is out of your head, do all these lines converge to the same idea or they move away in different planes leaving you in the biggest dilemma faced by any mentally sane human!

The truth about 21^st century is that there is no truth about it. There is nothing right, nothing wrong, no reality, no theory………………….. Everything we see is a big illusion!!!!! It’s rather hard to explain the new millennium situation but it best matches with a quote I read a long time back, which said “we are always trying to impress people we don’t like by buying things we don’t need with the money we haven’t earned”. People are running behind something, something they don’t know but pretend to know it and call it money, success, perfection etc. and within all this running we forgot who we are, with our mind being a victim of the 21^st century social model. We are machines made to work according to a social code. It’s like being the electronic mass productions of a manufacturer having one operating system. Yes! We are humans! But we are NOT programmed to think autonomously! We are not free to think, all we can do is switch modes of our thought process, situationaly. We are made to think, dream and aspire for the things which the economy wants us to dream about, think about and aspire for.

When we are treading in this world trying to make a name, trying to get noticed we switch to the “I think” mode. Suddenly we want to be what makes the bank balance look good. Suddenly we become good in economics and analysis and (profit and loss). suddenly our mind soars high with our feet still chained to ground and there is nothing else you can curse more than it. you are not alone, there are thousands alongside running, pushing, waiting for you to fall. You say you think, the screen shows you think, but its not the truth……………its all preprogrammed. Our mind processes in terms of preconceptions, images, monetary value. This I think, cannot be deemed as ‘thinking’ in any way in  human standards. Suddenly we don’t remember what we were like when we were kids. Suddenly we are hungry for something we are not even sure we like. Suddenly all the humans are the same but still are enemies. You say you are being ‘reasonable’ and ‘wise’ and ‘practical’ and are ‘thinking’, but the reality is you are just made to believe that you have thought your way out while the real thinking has been done.

Then you get back home, are caressed by the people who love you. They ask you to swear for your love when they themselves aren’t sure about their love for you. You give out a false promise and feel sorry for it. you feel how stupid you had been all the day neglecting the love you had in life. You feel touched. Suddenly you don’t remember who you want to be or what you need and that you still have to pay the bills. Suddenly you are selfish about the only drop of love in your life. Suddenly you want to grab it and trap it within your reign like your parents did to you. Suddenly you “believe” all you need is love and since you don’t have any you try to imprison whatever you have. suddenly you are scared of being alone, scared of being in the dark. you now “believe” in love and its power. You now “believe” that you can make it through life with your only drop of love and nothing else. You “believe” in yourself your love and love itself but you aren't quite sure what’s the belief about. you  suddenly believe you are happy but from the inside way too much scared to lose what you have.

Then you are alone, no one there to influence you, touch you, command you, torture you not even to kiss you and love you. You suddenly bump into someone you think you knew a long time ago. You have a telepathic conversation with a familiar stranger. He reminds you of good old days when we weren’t machines. He reminds of laughter, of simple wishes that fueled your life long time back. It reminds you of the paint brush you lost, of the pen you loved to write with, of the song you loved, of the neighbor you thought you would marry someday. It reminds of something inexplicably sweet but you are disappointed that you can’t fathom the sweetness anymore. It reminds you of how you wanted to be the person who was loved, who was read about, how badly you wanted to write and make people read it. It reminds you of the long lost diary full of poems about things you can’t remember. Suddenly you want to “feel” just what you felt when you were young. Suddenly you remember yourself and how you felt about things, how you didn’t care about what someone said. You were too happy with yourself to be pissed off by anyone else’s comment. Suddenly you feel you have woken up after a long time and realize how far you got away from how you felt at that time. You try hard to bring back that feeling but fail. Suddenly you know how you “feel” and how you want to “feel”. Suddenly you realized its not about obligations, formalities of love and life, but its all about how you feel about love and life. You want to go away, turn back time…you really want to? I guess! …………Will things be like that?........maybe! but……………..

THE CYCLE REPEATS!!!

And life goes on like this until we are too rusted to linger. We think whats profitable, but believe in the things that give us pleasure but our real self is lost in a deep sea of feelings of love happiness and contentment.  As we grow up we learn of numerous things and our city isn't the world anymore. We want to know how they live in Venice, what they wear in  Paris, what they eat in Beijing, we want it all. We want to breakaway. We want to forget whats good for us and want to discover what lures us believing that it will be good. We start aspiring for unexplained things, yearn for love and cheat our own heart and feelings.  We  see the planes of our thinking , belief and feelings go in different directions and we see ourselves becoming  one of the most pathetic creatures in the history of earth. Don’t you think it would've been better if we were like dogs or cats or elephants?………… simple desires- territory, food and mate (all in raw unprocessed form)! No running around, no pushing, no cursing, no thinking at all. Its better than not wanting to think while being the thinking creatures.

Well its not about, ‘just thinking’, ‘just believing’ or ‘just feelings. It’s about the perfect balance. You can’t fall in love just based on how you feel. You have to believe that its true and you have to think if its worth the risk. When it all says the same thing jump into the risk like you love it and save yourself from the agony of divergence of your “thinking”, “believing” and “feeling”………………